Thursday, July 16, 2009

Eulogy for mom


Death is not too high a price to pay for having lived.
Mountains never die, nor do the seas or rocks or endless sky.
Through countless centuries of time, they stay eternal, deathless.
Yet they never live!
If choice were there, I would not hesitate to choose mortality.
Whatever Fate demanded in return for life I’d give, for never to have seen the fertile plains nor heard the winds nor felt the warm sun on sands beneath a salty sea, not touched the hands of those I love – without these, all the gains of timelessness would not be worth a day of living and of loving; come what may.
There are no words to deal with our pain, and there are no words to describe my mother. I will try and do justice to her remarkable character, strength, beauty, love, and passion for life. She raised us all so well, she gave us all a remarkable strength and stability, and the fruits of her parenting are so clear when I think of my sisters and brother. I thank her for that, and for raising me in the same way.
On the surface, my mother would not impress many people nor stand out as being extraordinary, but she was and always will be just that to me. The strength she’s conveyed over the years amazes me. Raising 5 children alone would be a difficult task for anyone, but mom did it and seldom complained. From the time I was old enough to learn, she was always willing to teach. She taught me that though life is not always fair, it is always life and it’s there to be lived. Among the many gifts she gave me, she gave me my voice, my sense of humor, my compassion and my ability to love. I would not be the man I am today without her. I am proud to be my mother’s son.
She never had many friends, but was always friendly to those around her. She never had a lot of money, but she was rich with love. We may not have had everything we wanted growing up, but we were sure to have what we needed. I will remember my mother as being a strong woman. Working her entire life to ensure that we were taken care of. I think about the sacrifices she has had to make for us, and how up until I was old enough to understand, I took her for granted. Fortunately I realized that years before today.
She loved her children unconditionally, always telling us that no matter what we did in life or who we were, she would always love us. I am living proof of that unconditional love and hope that I can equally match her in that capacity in my own life. The one constant that I could always depend on was that mom would be there when I needed her. Though I may never see her again in physical form, I am positive that she will always be with me. Just a prayer or whisper away, always in my thoughts and in my heart.
Mom was always the center of our family. Trying to get us to spend the holidays together when we could. She never forgot a birthday and no matter how much money she had, she always made sure we had gifts, but the greatest gift she ever gave us was her love. She was a good Christian woman, always witnessing to her children and teaching us of God’s love. I know that God has made a place for her in heaven and that she is at peace with the Lord.
Mom, I love you more than life itself. Everything you are and everything you have done will help not only me, but also everyone here to get through this time. I cannot say goodbye to you, because I’ll see you in my dreams and whenever I look up, I know you’ll be there smiling down on me and guiding me. I will call your name forever, and you will always answer forever. I will love and miss you.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Offen Mistpronounced Werds

Now, I'm all one for mangling the English language in jest, but when people mispronounce words out of ignorance, it just gets under my skin. Here is a list of my top 10 hated word pronunciations.

1. EXpresso - Espresso
2. EXpecially - Especially
3. WaRsh - Wash
4. Urbs - Herbs
5. AcrosT - Across
6. FebUary - February
7. LiBary - Library
8. MaNnaise - Mayonnaise
9. NucUlar - Nuclear
10. SherbeRt - Sherbet

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Ego and Evil

One thing I am tired of and/or can do without.

I get so bored of the day to day drama of people I don't know or don't care to know. I have tried my entire life to live drama free and I intend to keep it that way. From time to time I think it's important for us to weed out the "bad" people in our lives. I did this recently with a few friends that thought the universe revolved around them. I'm afraid not, boys. Always something, always an issue, always drama, trauma, jealousy, and hate. If your life is so boring or uninteresting that you have to spread gossip, repeat lies, or make up stories, then you're just not someone I want in my life.

I never understood the need to build up your own ego by talking about other people. Does this really help or are you further damaging your already fragile sense of self worth? I know that what goes around comes around, and I want only good things to come back around to me and those I love. What does it behoove you to ruin someones life because they have different opinions, different likes or dislikes? IS it really that satisfying to drag someones name and reputation through the mud? What do you gain by such hate?

I know from personal experience on both sides of the drama line that it does nothing to boost your own confidence to hurt someone else with words or threats. If you are going to talk about someone, have the respect for yourself and them to say it to their face. Discuss issues or just let it go. Fools and imbeciles trade ego for evil and I don't have room or time for someone that does not love their own self or others. Respect.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Ramblings #1

So, this is my first blog and I wanted to state something profound, something that no one has ever thought of or blogged about before...is this possible? Doubtful, so let's just talk about me!



I'm the middle child of 17, not all full blood...thank god! I grew up in a small town in northern California and moved to Tulsa, OK when I was about 15. I was resistant at first, but have since grown to love Tulsa. It's a quiet little city, far from the hurry up and die lifestyle of CA. I've grown roots here and made a lot of close friends. It was a bit more difficult growing up gay in Oklahoma than I imagine it would have been in CA, but I did it and survived. I bounced from one relationship to another in search of something substantial and finally found it 15 years later. It's funny, in the gay community, when you are younger, you think that life ends after 25...for me it began. I had established myself, found a wonderful partner, bought a house, and had a career. Everything just sort of fell into place. I guess I'm am lucky in that sense. That's not to say I didn't go through some youthful drama, but it just seems so trivial now, just as youth always seems to be once you're old enough to appreciate it. The feeling that you will never find love, that no one knows how you feel or what you're going through. It all just seemed to melt away and I found myself a man without reservations as to what I wanted or how to get it. Now I have a wonderful life and it just gets better. I try to keep positive about it. You have to or it's just not worth living.



So that's me rambling on as usual. I'm sure that this blog will get better with time...as all things do, so bear with me. I'm still learning and always will be. I refuse to take other people's blogs as guidance. If I did...it wouldn't be mine. It wouldn't be who I am. Feel free to leave me feedback, it's always welcome.